A young lady has sparked intense discussion online after sharing a deeply personal dilemma involving her long-term relationship and a disturbing revelation about her boyfriend’s past that has left her emotionally unsettled and confused.
In a post shared on X (formerly Twitter), the woman revealed that she has been dating her boyfriend for four years and that they are planning to get married later this year, describing their relationship as stable, loving, and built on trust and commitment.
According to her, her boyfriend’s brother visited them last month and, during a deep conversation about life struggles, personal challenges, and difficult experiences, disclosed something she described as shocking and completely unexpected.
She said the brother told her that her boyfriend was allegedly raped while working as a sales boy years ago. He reportedly assumed she already knew about the incident and, after realising she did not, begged her not to tell her boyfriend that the topic had come up, stressing that it was not his place to share the information.
The woman explained that the revelation has troubled her for weeks, raising questions in her mind about why her partner never mentioned it, whether he may still be dealing with hidden trauma, and whether he could be keeping other painful secrets from her as well.
“I find it hard to believe a man can be rped but I still want him to confirm it,” she wrote, asking social media users if she should confront him directly about the issue and whether men can also be victims of rape, noting that the situation has left her emotionally conflicted and mentally unsettled.
Public Reactions
The post quickly gained traction, with many users urging caution, empathy, and emotional intelligence in handling such a sensitive and traumatic subject.
Several people warned that confronting him directly could reopen deep psychological wounds and cause more harm than good.
Glorious wrote: “Confront him for what exactly? It is his fault that he was Rped? That might be traumatic for him and he probably decided to never talk about it so why insist that he ought to have told you about it?
“It’s not necessary please. Not every past need to be known. Somethings are better left unknown for your peace. And yes men can and have been Rped over the years. I’ve heard stories.”
Dr X shared a similar view, saying:
“Its hard to talk about that sort of thing … You can allow him tell you in due time. Or tell a similar story of someone you heard was raped and see if he will say his own. His psych may have subxumed it not to get hurt – beware what you unearth if you make him start relieving it again!”
Steve also weighed in, noting the stigma around male victims.
“Yes, men can be raped, but it’s underreported for men due to stigma and societal myths I guess. As for confronting him, it’s understandable to feel hurt or confused about not knowing, but confronting him directly might betray his brother’s trust and reopen trauma he’s not ready to share.
“Instead, consider gently opening a conversation about past experiences or vulnerabilities in your relationship, without revealing the source. Prioritize empathy, secrets like this are often kept out of shame not deceit.”
Ebun was more direct in her response, stressing sensitivity and emotional responsibility.
“Yes men can absolutely be raped. His brother already told you not to say anything, and there’s a reason for that. Se*xual assault is traumatic, and many survivors never tell anyone. It’s not about keeping secrets from you, it’s about surviving something horrible.
“If you love this man, educate yourself about male sexual assault first. Then create a safe space where he knows you’re there if he ever wants to talk.
“But don’t confront him demanding answers about why he didn’t tell you. That’s selfish and will only hurt him more. This isn’t about you and what you’re owed. It’s about his trauma and healing.”
Other users echoed similar sentiments, encouraging the lady to prioritise compassion, patience, and emotional safety, while allowing her partner to speak in his own time if he ever chooses to open up about his past.